Keep learning. It'd be really boring if you knew all the answers already.

I just typed 'failure' in the title line, but I deleted it and changed my mind.

I made a mistake at work today - I got facts wrong in a story, and this has caused anxiety to some local residents. (This last is what is upsetting me the most, as well as my own total inability to deal with mistakes and my tendency to beat myself up).

I'm trying to not handle this situation the way I usually have in the past, and to deal with it in an adult, effective, productive, constructive way. Hence deleting 'failure' - the way my mind works, that will only serve to keep me dwelling on it.

I have to say, it is disheartening that every time I'm cruising towards increasing my confidence in myself or my abilities, something like this happens. (Maybe I am sabotaging it myself somehow? Hmm.)

I don't have a lot of confidence, and I've always struggled with being complacent - fearing that if I become complacent, or start taking things for granted, I will be punished, or will lose those things. I confuse complacence with confidence - I am trying so hard not to have the former that I destroy any chance I have of gaining the latter.

It just seems ironic that every time I start to relax a little (this time at work) 'something bad happens.' Maybe I need to look more closely at that.

I definitely need to chill when it comes to my job. I am very guilty of letting it define me - allowing my career successes and failures to define who I am. Living to work instead of working to live.

Wow, I'm a nightmare. I get annoyed at myself!

Just trying to process some of this stuff through...thank goodness no one actually reads this. ;-)

I don't have kids, I get lonely sometimes - I guess that's why I value my job so much. That, and my inherited west coast Scottish Protestant work ethic.

Anyone else, I'd be able to reassure them. Myself, I can't forgive so easily.

Do I forgive others' mistakes easily though? I need to look at that too. Maybe this is what I can learn from this mistake.

I am desperately missing a spiritual dimension to my life at the moment, I just can't seem to find the right path. Do I need a specific path? Society tells me that yes, I do. I can't quite smother the sound of that voice yet.

...

OK, after gazing out of the window for a bit, at the most beautiful pink sky (I don't have the camera handy, or I'd attempt a pic) I have managed to replace the dot that was the original title of this blog to something a little more optimistic. Something that when I look on this tomorrow and prepare to cringe at yet another session of narrow-focus navel gazing, will hopefully inspire me just a wee bit to get over myself.

Now, THAT should be the title - get over yourself! :-)